Refusing to Believe... — The Heart Trust

In January 2013 i traveled with 3 friends to Atlanta for a time of refreshing of my spirit.

During a time of quiet heart stirring contemplation i heard "David, you are darkened in your understanding because of the hardness that's in your heart, because you refuse to believe." Since i love the conviction of the LORD i was not ashamed or put off.

Though i didn't know the specifics of that darkened understanding or my refusal to believe, i knew innately that it was true.

On March 20th as i was listening to Jon Thurlow's IHOP set from the day before i continued to process that word from January.

“So, my question is LORD, what do i refuse to believe?”

“You refuse to believe (take into your heart) that I am FOR you…and that I Love you.”

I write back: “I don’t think that’s accurate. That’s not true.”

“It Is! Look at what you believe (take into your heart):”

“Envy: You want what other men have and are embittered because you don’t have it…and you blame ME.”

“Jealousy: You are threatened by others encroaching on what you feel is “yours”… your friendships … your favor places … your influence places … all those places where you find value and love. You take up this sword to protect your territory. You don’t believe that I’m FOR you. You don’t trust me. You think that I care more for others than you, so you take matters in your own hands.”

“These two things are the greatest in your heart. But I can remove those and reset your heart. If you change what you believe (what you take into your heart), the toxins in your heart will go.”

Shaken by these truths, i ask “OK, is there more?”

“The belief structure behind the spirit of religion has to go. You don’t see Me as I was or as I am. That portrait that hung in your parents home isn’t Me. Those Sunday School pictures were not me. You are embittered because you believed that was Me. You saw me as distant and non-caring. You saw me as as how I described the religious of My day:
“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and they lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.”

“That’s Not Me! That's the spirit of religion.
Come out of agreement with this false false belief. Come out of agreement with the lie. Look into my eyes. I made you. I love you. I am FOR you. Can you believe that?”

At this point, i saw that i was surrounded by a great stone wall and i could hear powerful waves crashing against the other side. And i said “Your words are like waves crashing against this wall. I hear them, but they can't penetrate inside." And then i saw one tiny trickle of water breaking through the mortar, then another, and another. And i began to sob.

“Your refusal to believe this foundational truth of MY love is what has caused the hardening of your heart. The exterior of your heart is like a stone wall. It was built rock by rock, belief by belief, lie by lie."

I said “Yes. I see that. I agree with You. What am I to do about this? I want this gone.I don’t want a heart of stone.”

And right then i hear in the background Jon Thurlow singing...

"Find no resistance in me
I want to be with you where you are.

And find no contention in me
I wanna have a wide
open heart.

So, search me LORD
and know my heart
and see if there’s any wickedness
inside me.

And holiness is my desire
I want to be closer
to the One I love."

I was completely undone by how God set me up for this moment of the confluence of Jon's song and the cry of my heart and my life has not been the same since.
Don't misunderstand, there are still opportunities for me to take care of myself when i feel fear but the power of that is FAR less than ever before.
When i become aware of that attack, It has become my practice to move in the opposite spirit of whatever is attacking me.

The reason i share these potentially "embarrassing" and intimate stories of my life is that i believe "TRUTH IS TRUTH".

So, i encourage you to check your life now. Where are YOU refusing to believe that HE loves you and cares for you and watches over you?
May Jesus minister the truth that sets you free today!

David