The Christmas Eve Stroke

THE EVENT (for those who are just hearing this):
Christmas Eve eve was as normal as it has ever been. My main focus was to get everything ready here at home because we celebrate Christmas on the 24th with an amazing full spread breakfast. So, with everything cleaned and set, i went to bed a little after 10:00pm.

I woke at 4:15 with a tingling numbing feeling on the right side of my face than began to move down my neck and i thought immediately “this was a stroke”. I sat up with the tingling racing down my right arm and into my leg. When i attempted to stand (and couldn’t very well), i knew it was time to call 911.

I had full cognitive (but not motor) function and after stumbling down the hall in a crumbled heap at the front door i was able to clearly text my daughter (in another part of the house) “help”. My hand was so wiggly it was difficult to clearly text because of the sensitivity of the keypad, so my text for “stroke” ended up “storke  pp”.

The ER doc told me that i was not having a stroke but rather, they were symptoms of high blood pressure (though i was pretty sure what i was feeling was more than BP). I was not showing traditional signs of a stroke. I had no face droop or no slur. I knew who and where i was, i could verbally confirm the images of the cactus, shoe, fork, pen, feather, and book on their testing card. Both right and left limbs had equal amount of strength.

What I did not have was good motor control or much endurance on the right side of my body. My right limbs were continually tingling, like when an arm or foot “goes to sleep”. My hand was shaky and wiggly, and like a toddler learning how to manage liquids, I spilled multiple cups of water, coffee, and juice. Handwriting was difficult, drawing non existent. When I attempted to walk i found out that i had lost a considerable portion control and balance. 

The miraculous thing is that within a couple days, i was too improved for inpatient rehab. I could manage any cup of liquid, my handwriting was strong, and could walk (slowly) without a walker. They released me four days after admission, being told that the stroke was “CRYPTOGENIC”, which simply means they have no idea how it happened. They may not know how the stroke happened, but the quick move to recovery happened because of prayer, LOTS OF PRAYER by a whole lot of you.

THE NOW:
The question most ask is “How are you?”.
“I’m doing well, making great incremental progress” is the true, short reply.

Though evenings can be my most challenging physically - causing me to use a cane if i plan on going out among nighttime crowds - my PT said she doesn't need to see me anymore. She sent me away with several new strengthening exercises to add to my existing gym regimen. Neural pathways that were damaged are being forcefully recreated by rehab and coveted, deep, restorative sleep. Because of THAT, i have begun to follow a fairly focused bedtime routine to ensure my brain gets ample time to rebuild and renew!

Based on encouragement from neurosurgeons, i expect 100% full functional recovery within a few months, and am doing everything possible to help that happen.

Thank you for surrounding me with various expressions of your care and concern. Your prayers and practical acts of kindness are two strong reasons for my speedy recovery.

Blessings!
DAVID

 

Rededication from Defilement: an audio meditation

Several years ago i started observing the “Feast of the Dedication”. It's the eight-day Jewish winter holiday commonly known as Hanukkah. Hanukkah literally means dedication and it commemorates a time in Jewish history when the Temple was rededicated back to the LORD after it had been defiled.
(More on the history of Hanukkah below.)

So...what's the big deal?
New Testament Scripture says over and over that GOD does not live in temples made by human hands, but that WE are the temple of the Living GOD; He dwells IN us.

I simply see Hanukkah as a time marker just before the new year. As the temple of the LORD, it's a kind of wake-up call on the calendar to rededicate myself to Him again for the next twelve months.

I ask the LORD if there is any way i have chosen to be more like the world than like Him.
I ask Him to cleanse me of any hidden defilement from the previous year and then to restore His light, His presence in me.

Psalm 139:23+24 is a great prayer to use for such a purpose. 
After doing study on these verses, here’s my personal version...

Search me thoroughly O GOD; explore me and know the inner workings of the heart.
Examine me deeply and know my disquieting, anxious thoughts…those thoughts that agitate, distract and divide my mind.
Cause all impurities to be removed from the gold of my being.

See if there are any idolatrous pathways I’m walking on.
Give attention to my sorrowful habits and the direction of my life.
And lead me back to YOU, the glorious everlasting way of true life.

I recorded an audio prayer (above) from Psalm 139 that invites GOD to search us and cleanse us of any and all defilement as we desire to be rededicated back to Him. May it bless you and bring His presence to you in a new way. 

(If you are interested in knowing more about my path of study and how i create a personalized scriptural prayer contact me at david@the-heart-trust.com.)

David

The story behind the Feast of Dedication is essentially this:
Around 200 years before the birth of Jesus, Jerusalem was under the rule of the Greco-Syrian empire. Because of political and economic reasons, some of the wealthy Jewish families chose to adopt the Greek way of living and repudiate their Jewish heritage. These Hellenized Jewish men went as far as to “remove their marks of circumcision” to be like the Greeks around them.

In 168 BCE, Antiochus Epiphanes came to Judea. He cozied up with the Hellenized Jews who had already left their faith. He eventually outlawed Judaism and persecuted to the death those who disobeyed. He sacked the Temple, placed a statue of Zeus there and sacrificed pigs on the altar, thus defiling that holy space. 

Judah Maccabee (“the Hammer”) and his brothers led a two-year uprising that brought deliverance to the Jewish people from Greco-Syrian control.

After the enemy was defeated, Judah and his brothers found the Temple abandoned, profaned, and the gates burned down. They chose qualified priest who purified the Temple and removed everything that was defiled and unclean. They repaired the Temple, inside and out. They made new utensils for worship, and rebuilt the alar of incense. When the rededication process began, there was only enough oil to fuel the Temple lights for one day. Miraculously, the oil fed the flames for eight days until the newly untainted, properly prepared oil was ready for temple service. 

Judah, his brothers, and the rest of Israel decreed that this rededication should be celebrated each year, lasting for eight days. It was celebrated in Jesus' time (John 10:22) and is still celebrated today. 

A Morning in My Life...

My days sometimes start easy with a flow being on them from the time i wake. But often, there is resistance to pursuing the LORD and i have to intentionally push in. SO, in a spirit of full disclosure, i thought that i'd share a recent morning i had.

I woke feeling pretty disconnected (from God). With that came various accusations. And i felt like i was being offered what seemed to be a little hors d'oeuvre of fear on this lovely shiny platter. I knew if i took that morsel it would grow and overtake my day, so i resisted.

I made my standard bulletproof coffee and sat at this old wooden desk that has seen my many mornings with God.
I tuned the interwebs to Jon Thurlow's set from November 2. 
I opened my Bible (but wasn't ready to engage quite yet).
I just sat and soaked in the song for a few minutes.
And when i began to pray in the spirit, my heart opened up.
CONNECTION!

From that sense of connection i began responding by declaring aloud the John 1:1 unique description of Jesus. "In the beginning was the WORD, and the WORD was with GOD, and the WORD was GOD." Repeating that sentence slowly brought me closer to a sense of His presence. 

The book of Colossians is one of my personal favorites and began to pray from Colossians 1.  My eyes hit the yellow highlighted block of 1:9-13:

"I've been asking God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ that He would fill completely, until you overflow with the gripping, penetrating, experiential knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding; That you would walk in a manner worthy of Jesus as you reflect His nature and character, fully pleasing Him in everything you say and do; That you'd be abundantly fruitful in every good thing that you put your heart, hands, and mind to; And that you'd increase in knowing God in a true and experiential way..." (my version)

Over the years, when i have prayed for myself, i have made it a habit to include my family and friends on whatever it is that i am praying for as well. After all, scripture is full of prayers that can be applied for the individual, a whole region, or a "whosoever".

Anyway, as i began to pray through Col 1:9-13, my focus was redirected and i experienced a strong shift in my own spirit as i connected to the LORD in a deeper and more palpable way. In that intimate moment, as i was already including my loved ones in this request, i felt led to record a bit of that prayer for a few friends who were specifically coming to my in my mind.

I re-recorded my praying through that passage for this journal post. It's a little raw and not edited, but my hope is that you experience some of the "living WORD" for yourself. My hope is that you'd be encouraged to press through in the mornings when you feel disconnected and junky. My hope is that you'd discover for yourself how much you are loved.

David

Refusing to Believe...

In January 2013 i traveled with 3 friends to Atlanta for a time of refreshing of my spirit.

During a time of quiet heart stirring contemplation i heard "David, you are darkened in your understanding because of the hardness that's in your heart, because you refuse to believe." Since i love the conviction of the LORD i was not ashamed or put off.

Though i didn't know the specifics of that darkened understanding or my refusal to believe, i knew innately that it was true.

On March 20th as i was listening to Jon Thurlow's IHOP set from the day before i continued to process that word from January.

“So, my question is LORD, what do i refuse to believe?”

“You refuse to believe (take into your heart) that I am FOR you…and that I Love you.”

I write back: “I don’t think that’s accurate. That’s not true.”

“It Is! Look at what you believe (take into your heart):”
“Envy: You want what other men have and are embittered because you don’t have it…and you blame ME.”
“Jealousy: You are threatened by others encroaching on what you feel is “yours”… your friendships … your favor places … your influence places … all those places where you find value and love. You take up this sword to protect your territory. You don’t believe that I’m FOR you. You don’t trust me. You think that I care more for others than you, so you take matters in your own hands.”
“These two things are the greatest in your heart. But I can remove those and reset your heart. If you change what you believe (what you take into your heart), the toxins in your heart will go.”

Shaken by these truths, i ask “OK, is there more?”

“The belief structure behind the spirit of religion has to go. You don’t see Me as I was or as I am. That portrait that hung in your parents home isn’t Me. Those Sunday School pictures were not me. You are embittered because you believed that was Me. You saw me as distant and non-caring. You saw me as as how I described the religious of My day:
“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and they lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.” 
“That’s Not Me! That's the spirit of religion.
Come out of agreement with this false false belief. Come out of agreement with the lie. Look into my eyes. I made you. I love you. I am FOR you. Can you believe that?”

At this point, i saw that i was surrounded by a great stone wall and i could hear powerful waves crashing against the other side. And i said “Your words are like waves crashing against this wall. I hear them, but they can't penetrate inside." And then i saw one tiny trickle of water breaking through the mortar, then another, and another. And i began to sob.

“Your refusal to believe this foundational truth of MY love is what has caused the hardening of your heart. The exterior of your heart is like a stone wall. It was built rock by rock, belief by belief, lie by lie."

I said “Yes. I see that. I agree with You. What am I to do about this? I want this gone.I don’t want a heart of stone.”

And right then i hear in the background Jon Thurlow singing...

"Find no resistance in me
I want to be with you where you are.

And find no contention in me
I wanna have a wide
open heart.
So, search me LORD
and know my heart
and see if there’s any wickedness
inside me.
And holiness is my desire
I want to be closer
to the One I love."

I was completely undone by how God set me up for this moment of the confluence of Jon's song and the cry of my heart and my life has not been the same since.
Don't misunderstand, there are still opportunities for me to take care of myself when i feel fear but the power of that is FAR less than ever before.
When i become aware of that attack, It has become my practice to move in the opposite spirit of whatever is attacking me.

The reason i share these potentially "embarrassing" and intimate stories of my life is that i believe "TRUTH IS TRUTH". 

So, i encourage you to check your life now. Where are YOU refusing to believe that HE loves you and cares for you and watches over you?
May Jesus minister the truth that sets you free today!

David